Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
I Hate...The Economy
First thing's first...
I don't know shit about the American economy. I took a Macro Economics class, senior year in high school and it was a fucking joke. I did a paper on Sifl and Oly (a show staring 2 sock puppets on MTV circa 1994) and got an A. To this day I don't know how I pulled that off. My teacher would walk around and ask for the previous nights homework and I would shuffle through my notebook and eventually present my college acceptance letter and a shit eating grin. I didn't take any Econ classes in college and if I did I was WAY to high to remember even being there. Perhaps if I payed attention in the one class I DID have, I might have the slightest idea of what's going on right now. I don't.
I DO know that all of the media thinks we are headed into the next great depression, to which I say, "Bring that shit on!".
Remember the LAST great depression? No you don't because you weren't alive. If you WERE there is a good chance that you are a zombie (If you are in fact a zombie I'd like to speak to you about biting the face off of someone at my place of business. Please contact me personally). In the first great depression people were just mad and drunk all the time. How great does that sound?! We'll all live in little Hoover-villes and and sing songs with little red headed girls and be pissed off at everything. The only difference I see in my between my life now, and what it would have been back then is as follows:
1. I live indoors right now and I have 2 computers.
Who needs 2 computers? I don't. Not anymore.
To get our asses out of Depression v1 we had to make some sacrifices, such as going to war...and not using sugar or something. FINE! I can stand to lose a pound or 2 and I've always wanted to kill someone (including some people in my place of business).
Our country was shit and we fought out way out of the poverty potty. Then we danced and did hard drugs until like 1998. We need to be flushed as a country and resurface with a stronger sense of what we fight for in the first place.
Pro-2nd Depression tip of the day:
When leaving a room...turn all of the lights on and burn a dollar bill on your way out.
Hacky
I don't know shit about the American economy. I took a Macro Economics class, senior year in high school and it was a fucking joke. I did a paper on Sifl and Oly (a show staring 2 sock puppets on MTV circa 1994) and got an A. To this day I don't know how I pulled that off. My teacher would walk around and ask for the previous nights homework and I would shuffle through my notebook and eventually present my college acceptance letter and a shit eating grin. I didn't take any Econ classes in college and if I did I was WAY to high to remember even being there. Perhaps if I payed attention in the one class I DID have, I might have the slightest idea of what's going on right now. I don't.
I DO know that all of the media thinks we are headed into the next great depression, to which I say, "Bring that shit on!".
Remember the LAST great depression? No you don't because you weren't alive. If you WERE there is a good chance that you are a zombie (If you are in fact a zombie I'd like to speak to you about biting the face off of someone at my place of business. Please contact me personally). In the first great depression people were just mad and drunk all the time. How great does that sound?! We'll all live in little Hoover-villes and and sing songs with little red headed girls and be pissed off at everything. The only difference I see in my between my life now, and what it would have been back then is as follows:
1. I live indoors right now and I have 2 computers.
Who needs 2 computers? I don't. Not anymore.
To get our asses out of Depression v1 we had to make some sacrifices, such as going to war...and not using sugar or something. FINE! I can stand to lose a pound or 2 and I've always wanted to kill someone (including some people in my place of business).
Our country was shit and we fought out way out of the poverty potty. Then we danced and did hard drugs until like 1998. We need to be flushed as a country and resurface with a stronger sense of what we fight for in the first place.
Pro-2nd Depression tip of the day:
When leaving a room...turn all of the lights on and burn a dollar bill on your way out.
Hacky
Friday, October 3, 2008
I Hate...Sarah Palin
"Say it ain't so Joe!" (to be spoken in a horrible, childish, mimicking tone)
Long story short Sarah Palin repeatedly attacked Job Biden last night for referencing the past administration. GOD FORBID we look to the past to correct our mistakes. Idiot. Thats all I have to say this morning. It should be a good weekend...Chase is going to Boston, I am going to a wedding, how can something epic NOT happen? Check back in with us on Monday.
Hacky
Long story short Sarah Palin repeatedly attacked Job Biden last night for referencing the past administration. GOD FORBID we look to the past to correct our mistakes. Idiot. Thats all I have to say this morning. It should be a good weekend...Chase is going to Boston, I am going to a wedding, how can something epic NOT happen? Check back in with us on Monday.
Hacky
Thursday, September 25, 2008
I Hate... Connecticut Drivers
CT drivers, you are on notice.
People that drive 55 in the fast lane, you are on notice.
Road Ragers, you are on notice.
Angry 17 year olds, you are on notice.
Today, on my ride home, I was nice enough to let someone get in front of me as I was in the lane for the off ramp. Personally, I feel 1 car is enough and the next can get behind me. Apparently, the car to my left did not and chose to aggressively cut in front of me.
Now, being that I am a nice enough guy, I forgive this act and go on with my life... but wait, the kid who I "wronged" so badly decides to slam on the break and fish tail in front of me whilst giving me the finger.
As we reach the light at the end of the exit, I pull up beside the person to get a better look. Who could it be? Who have I wronged so greatly that this response was warranted? Ah yes, none other than a 17 year old kid who apparently was not hugged enough by his mother.
As I could not jump out of the car and beat the piss out of this little brat, I will now spend a small portion of my life to verbally destroy him. (I doubt very much he'll read this, but perhaps my readers can find solace if this has happened to them).
1.) 17 year olds have a hard enough time growing goatees. You've chosen to have your patchwork facial hair protrude 3 inches from your face. Good idea, you must be a hit with the ladies.
2.) Proactive. Here is the website, knock yourself out: http://www.proactiv.com
3.) There's no reason to blast death metal from your 1995 model year car with crappy stock speakers. Not only does it sound awful in the first place, it sounds even worse coming from a system like that. I know you're angry at life, but I'd like to think your music choice is not going to help.
4.) You are not the most important person in the world. What difference would it make to get behind me? You ended up next to me on the ramp anyway. Remember me? The guy staring at you while you made it a point not to even look in my direction? Not only do you act like a tough guy in your car, you choose to be a big puss bucket 15 seconds later.
5.) Lastly, long hair only looks good on girls. That's it. No man with hair past their shoulders has ever, ever looked cool. Again, I can only begin to think of the kind of tail you must be getting on the regular.
The worst part is, is not just you. For some reason, Connecticut has a propensity to attract the world's worst drivers. What is the point of driving slow in the passing lane? There are two perfectly good lanes to your right. America is the land of opportunity... please take this opportunity to get the fuck out of my way.
Love Always,
Chase
People that drive 55 in the fast lane, you are on notice.
Road Ragers, you are on notice.
Angry 17 year olds, you are on notice.
Today, on my ride home, I was nice enough to let someone get in front of me as I was in the lane for the off ramp. Personally, I feel 1 car is enough and the next can get behind me. Apparently, the car to my left did not and chose to aggressively cut in front of me.
Now, being that I am a nice enough guy, I forgive this act and go on with my life... but wait, the kid who I "wronged" so badly decides to slam on the break and fish tail in front of me whilst giving me the finger.
As we reach the light at the end of the exit, I pull up beside the person to get a better look. Who could it be? Who have I wronged so greatly that this response was warranted? Ah yes, none other than a 17 year old kid who apparently was not hugged enough by his mother.
As I could not jump out of the car and beat the piss out of this little brat, I will now spend a small portion of my life to verbally destroy him. (I doubt very much he'll read this, but perhaps my readers can find solace if this has happened to them).
1.) 17 year olds have a hard enough time growing goatees. You've chosen to have your patchwork facial hair protrude 3 inches from your face. Good idea, you must be a hit with the ladies.
2.) Proactive. Here is the website, knock yourself out: http://www.proactiv.com
3.) There's no reason to blast death metal from your 1995 model year car with crappy stock speakers. Not only does it sound awful in the first place, it sounds even worse coming from a system like that. I know you're angry at life, but I'd like to think your music choice is not going to help.
4.) You are not the most important person in the world. What difference would it make to get behind me? You ended up next to me on the ramp anyway. Remember me? The guy staring at you while you made it a point not to even look in my direction? Not only do you act like a tough guy in your car, you choose to be a big puss bucket 15 seconds later.
5.) Lastly, long hair only looks good on girls. That's it. No man with hair past their shoulders has ever, ever looked cool. Again, I can only begin to think of the kind of tail you must be getting on the regular.
The worst part is, is not just you. For some reason, Connecticut has a propensity to attract the world's worst drivers. What is the point of driving slow in the passing lane? There are two perfectly good lanes to your right. America is the land of opportunity... please take this opportunity to get the fuck out of my way.
Love Always,
Chase
Monday, September 22, 2008
I Hate...People who Hate the New Facebook
DISCLAIMER: If you don't know what Facebook is, move along. Im not taking the time to explain it to you. Seriously, go away.
Facebook has recently changed their site's layout. As a result every 13year old and Twenty-something has lost their shit.
"I CANT FIND MY PICTURES"
"HOW DO I KNOW WHEN ITS MY BFFL4E's BIRTHDAY"
"BOOHOO JEROMY BAERZINBLATZ IS NO LONGER SINGLE"
1. Chill the fuck out. People did the same thing when facebook put that "news feed" bullshit up. People flipped out. Now no one can skip a bowel movement without 435 of your closest friends knowing about it. the worst part is, you all love it now. I know i love it. When the kid who beat me up in middle school gets his first divorce i want to be among the first to know.
2. Most of the people crying about the change support Barack Obama. This is only funny because most of these people have bumper stickers or wall art spouting the phrase "Vote For Change".
3. There are TONS of people creating facebook groups in order to voice their anger about new layout. Seems to me that if you took the time to create a little group, you are finding your way around the site nicely.
4. Its free website that helps you do one of 2 things..
A. Connect with friends.
B. Help you spy on ex's and people you'd like to sleep with. Take a minute to let that sink in and then try to get upset about it again. Wont happen.
Also, take time this week to think about how out of control your life is when you can't handle a website changing its design without falling into a quivering floor pile. Maybe make a list of the things you feel DO have control over. Go ahead...we'll wait.
Ok now if that list did not include the words "My Own Life" delete your account on facebook and go kiss a bus.
Hacky
Facebook has recently changed their site's layout. As a result every 13year old and Twenty-something has lost their shit.
"I CANT FIND MY PICTURES"
"HOW DO I KNOW WHEN ITS MY BFFL4E's BIRTHDAY"
"BOOHOO JEROMY BAERZINBLATZ IS NO LONGER SINGLE"
1. Chill the fuck out. People did the same thing when facebook put that "news feed" bullshit up. People flipped out. Now no one can skip a bowel movement without 435 of your closest friends knowing about it. the worst part is, you all love it now. I know i love it. When the kid who beat me up in middle school gets his first divorce i want to be among the first to know.
2. Most of the people crying about the change support Barack Obama. This is only funny because most of these people have bumper stickers or wall art spouting the phrase "Vote For Change".
3. There are TONS of people creating facebook groups in order to voice their anger about new layout. Seems to me that if you took the time to create a little group, you are finding your way around the site nicely.
4. Its free website that helps you do one of 2 things..
A. Connect with friends.
B. Help you spy on ex's and people you'd like to sleep with. Take a minute to let that sink in and then try to get upset about it again. Wont happen.
Also, take time this week to think about how out of control your life is when you can't handle a website changing its design without falling into a quivering floor pile. Maybe make a list of the things you feel DO have control over. Go ahead...we'll wait.
Ok now if that list did not include the words "My Own Life" delete your account on facebook and go kiss a bus.
Hacky
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Monday, September 15, 2008
If I was to Rob a Bank...
If I was to rob a bank I would use the F word A LOT.
Just slightly more than that one guy in Forrest Gump did. I'd also end my speech with something like...
"CHEESE FLAVORED ELEPHANTS!"
...so people would know that I was crazy and could snap at any moment.
Hacky
Just slightly more than that one guy in Forrest Gump did. I'd also end my speech with something like...
"CHEESE FLAVORED ELEPHANTS!"
...so people would know that I was crazy and could snap at any moment.
Hacky
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